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Thursday, 2 January 2014

new year's angst

2013 was a weird year for me. It doesn't sound very momentous (probably because its an odd number) and at first glance I don't really have any strong feelings about it. But when I think about it, a lot did happen. I started this blog, and while this hasn't transformed my life in any major way it has provided me with a way to express the feelings I can't talk to anyone about in real life. Also, I have discovered/spoken to so many cool people and reading other blogs has exposed me to so many ideas that have lead me to develop my own views on things. I discovered feminism thanks to blogging (and actually I have just realised that I have never blogged about anything feminist related. oops) which has majorly changed my opinions on so many things, and has opened my eyes to so much of the shitty things that people (me included) have been doing which affect women negatively.

Not all of 2013 has been a good experience. It was the year my family life nearly collapsed, the year I spent most of sleeping an hour each night through stress and worry. In many ways, 2014 isn't going to have to be that good to be better than 2013 was for me.

For some reason, I never feel good at new years. Normally its because I spend it with my family, and so feel like everyone is having more fun than me. But even this year, when I went to a party where I drank as much as I could in order to cover up the fact that I was completely out of my depth socially, I still woke up the next day feeling like shit. I don't know what it is (apart from probably a hangover), but every time a new year comes around, I feel like a complete loser, that I'm wasting my life and that no one likes me. I have no idea what causes this period of wallowing, but it arrives every new year without fail. It means that I try and avoid making new year's resolutions though, because it generally isn't a good idea to think of ways to improve your life when you hate literally everything about it.

I can't think of anything I do want to happen to my life right now, apart from it to magically turn into someone else's. This year is kind of tranistory anyway, as hopefully I should be going to university next September, which is exactly what I need. I've spent my entire life in this tiny, dull region, and all I want to do is go away and start again. I want to be with completely new people, in an unfamiliar place, in which I can reinvent myself, and be someone completely different to who I am now.

Anyway. I hope not all of you are feeling as down as I am, although if you are, feel free to talk to me and we can share our sad feelings or something.

4 comments:

  1. I totally agree with you about how eye opening discovering feminism is x

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    1. It is! Its cahnged my views on so many things. x

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  2. i'm so glad that i started my blog last year too, it's been such a positive outlet for me and of course the people, like you (aww)
    2014 just sounds better and it probably will be, going to uni is exciting and i can't wait to hear from you when that time comes :)

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    1. Haha I've loved meeting people (including you) via blogger as well. Yeah I know I think it should be a lot more exciting :)x

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